well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Help. Why am I so naked?
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