Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
