This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
