he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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