he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
