im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
