You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
