im six kinds of drunk right now
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Randomize
