the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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