haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
