I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
