Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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