Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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