So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
