I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
