eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
