Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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