i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
