True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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