found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
