Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
