Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
