Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
