There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
