i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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