I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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