Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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