But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize