I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Shame is for Republicans.
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