yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
