so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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