My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
