I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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