i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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