u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
