shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
