I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
