Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Too much gin, very little bucket
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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