FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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