well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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