you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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