Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
