i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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