I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
50% drunk capacity currently
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize