i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
