i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
