had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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