): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
