she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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