Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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