Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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