Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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