dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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