is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
