we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
