Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
