good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
