just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she told me i tasted like america
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize