i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
