did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
