fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
