im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize