did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
